TAILGATING SEASON IS HERE: Harry Balz’s Ultimate Guide to Parking Lot Glory

TAILGATING SEASON IS HERE:

Harry Balz’s Ultimate Guide to Parking Lot Glory

Listen up, sports fans Tailgating season is here — Harry Balz here, and I’m about to blow your minds with something that rarely happens: Jim and I actually AGREE on something. My twin brother dropped some wisdom on the What’s to Eat page about tailgating, and for once in his life, he’s absolutely right. Tailgating is peak sports culture, the sacred pre-game ritual that separates the casual fans from the TRUE believers.

But here’s where I’m going to take Jim’s solid foundation and build a championship-level analysis on top of it — because that’s what I do.

TAILGATING SEASON IS HERE,

People, and if you’re not already planning your parking lot masterpiece, you’re already behind. This isn’t just about food. This is about COMMUNITY. This is about TRADITION. This is about proving to the tailgate crew three spots over that YOUR setup is superior in every measurable way.

Let me get sentimental for a second — and yes, I do that, despite what Jim says about me being all stats and no heart. Tailgating is where sports truly live. Not in the stadium, not on the TV screen, but in those precious hours before kickoff when strangers become friends, when the grill smoke rises like incense to the football gods, and when a dad teaches his kid how to properly flip a burger. THAT’S where the soul of sports beats strongest.

Now let’s talk FOOD.

Jim mentioned the basics — brats, burgers, grilled chicken. Solid. Respectable. But PEDESTRIAN. I’m Harry Balz, and I’m here to tell you about the tailgaters who’ve elevated this art form to legendary status.

You want exotic? You want OVER THE TOP? Let me paint you some pictures.

Out in Kansas City — Chiefs Kingdom, baby — there’s a tailgate crew called “The Smoked Savages” who bring a custom-built smoker that’s literally shaped like Arrowhead Stadium. These absolute madmen smoke WHOLE BRISKETS for 14 hours before game day, then transport them in heated compartments. We’re talking 40-pound masterpieces that feed 80 people. They’ve got burnt ends that would make grown men weep. THAT’s commitment.

Down in New Orleans, Saints fans don’t tailgate — they throw full-blown CAJUN FEASTS in the parking lot. I’m talking about crawfish boils with 50-pound sacks of mudbugs, gumbo simmering in pots the size of small children, and boudin sausages that’ll change your entire understanding of what meat can be. They’ve got guys bringing portable deep fryers — PLURAL — frying everything from turkey to alligator. Yes, ALLIGATOR. Because when you’re in Louisiana, why the hell not?

But here’s my FAVORITE example, and Jim better be taking notes: There’s a Michigan tailgate legend named “Grill Master Dave” who created what he calls “The Wolverine Tower of Power.” This architectural marvel is a SEVEN-TIER kabob creation featuring different proteins on each level — venison, elk, wild boar, duck, quail, and at the very top, lobster tail. The whole thing stands four feet tall and feeds his entire section. It’s absurd. It’s excessive. It’s PERFECT.

Now, Jim mentioned grilled shrimp kabobs — shrimp with jalapeños wrapped in bacon with BBQ sauce. EXCELLENT call, brother. That’s the kind of thing that wins tailgate competitions. The spice, the smoke, the char on that bacon — you’re hitting all the flavor notes. But let me raise you one: Try brushing those bad boys with a habanero-honey glaze in the last two minutes on the grill. The heat, the sweet, the UMAMI — it’s a touchdown in your mouth.

Here’s what I NEED from you, Hairy Times readers: BRING ME YOUR RECIPES. BRING ME YOUR STORIES.

Did you deep-fry a turkey and accidentally create a small explosion? I want to hear about it. Did your uncle’s “secret sauce” turn out to be just ketchup and Worcestershire? Tell me everything. Did you witness a tailgate proposal? A tailgate wedding? A tailgate BIRTH? (Please God, let there be a tailgate birth story out there.)

This is interactive sports journalism, people. The comment section is OPEN FOR BUSINESS.

TAILGATING SEASON IS HERE:

and I’m making some BOLD PREDICTIONS about what we’re going to see this year:

**1. The Breakfast Tailgate Movement Goes Mainstream** — Mark my words, 11 AM kickoffs are going to spark a waffle-and-bacon revolution. Portable griddles, breakfast burritos, bloody mary bars. It’s coming.

**2. Smash Burgers Dominate the Parking Lot Scene** — The viral food trend meets tailgate culture. Flat-top griddles, crispy edges, American cheese. The classic burger is getting a championship-caliber upgrade.

**3. At Least One Tailgate Crew Will Bring A Full Pizza Oven** — And I’m not talking about some dinky portable thing. I mean a legit wood-fired brick situation on a trailer. It’s going to happen, and it’s going to be GLORIOUS.

Here’s the thing about tailgating that Jim maybe doesn’t fully appreciate (though his What’s to Eat piece was surprisingly solid): It’s the great equalizer in sports. Doesn’t matter if you’ve got $10,000 club seats or nosebleeds in the upper deck — in the parking lot, we’re all equals. The guy with the best ribs WINS, regardless of his ticket price.

I’ve seen tailgates bring together three generations of a family. I’ve seen rival fans share a grill and become friends. I’ve seen communities rally around their teams through food, fellowship, and the sacred ritual of the pre-game feast.

So here’s my challenge: This season, don’t just tailgate. ELEVATE. Try that new recipe. Invite the strangers parked next to you. Build something LEGENDARY.

And send me your stories. Photos. Recipes. Disasters. Triumphs. All of it.

Because TAILGATING SEASON IS HERE, and Harry Balz is ready to document every glorious, greasy, smoky, delicious moment of it.

The grill is hot. The parking lot is calling. Let’s make this season one for the record books.

NOW GET OUT THERE AND SHOW ME WHAT YOU’VE GOT.

— Harry Balz, Sports Reporter, The Hairy Times